So many of us are living for the "when…" of life. When I've lost weight. When I've found the right relationship. When work calms down.
We spend so much time preparing for life that we forget we're already living it.
Ironically, I realised I'd been doing exactly this myself.
Knowing I had two more surgeries planned this year, I'd already decided that summer would simply have to wait. Whenever friends suggested making plans, I automatically said no. In my head, surgery meant disappearing until the bruising, swelling and scars had gone. That's what I'd done after my previous five surgeries, and without really thinking about it, I'd assumed that's what I'd do again.
But something changed this time.
Perhaps it was finally accepting that my facial paralysis surgeries may never really have an end point. If I waited until everything was "finished", I could be waiting forever.
Or perhaps I realised that, although I felt well enough to see people, I was hiding away more to spare other people's discomfort than my own. If I was happy to be out in the world, why was I making myself smaller so everyone else could feel more comfortable?
So I didn't.
I met friends with a swollen lip. I taught Pilates with a black eye. I laughed, worked, went for coffee and enjoyed the sunshine despite still healing.
And it reminded me of something I'd almost forgotten:
Life doesn't have to be perfect before you're allowed to enjoy it and live in the present.
Here are eight signs you might also be waiting for life to feel complete before you fully participate in it, and why you don't have to.
1. You're waiting for confidence before saying yes.
Most people wait until they feel completely confident before saying yes to something new. But confidence rarely comes first.
Instead, confidence is built through action.
Every time we do something that feels uncomfortable, we give our brain another piece of evidence that says, I survived that. I can do it again. Those little moments of courage slowly become self-belief. The awkward conversations, the first class, the new job, the solo trip—they all become proof that we're capable of more than we thought.
Confidence isn't something you feel first before you begin. It's something that we feel slowly over time, after beginning anyway.
2. You're putting joy on hold.
There will probably never be a season of life completely free from challenges. Yet so many of us postpone happiness until we reach some imaginary finish line.
"I'll relax when…"
"I'll enjoy myself after…"
"I'll be happy once…"
The problem is that another challenge always arrives. If we believe happiness only exists after everything is sorted, we may spend our whole lives waiting for a moment that never comes.
Life isn't either joyful or difficult. Very often, it's both. You can be waiting for test results and still laugh with friends. You can be navigating uncertainty and still enjoy your morning coffee. You can be healing and still experience happiness.
Happiness isn’t something we “earn” at the end of a difficult season. It's usually what helps you through it.
3. You believe everything has to be "fixed" first.
Life will always contain something we'd like to change. There will always be another problem to solve, another decision to make or another uncertainty waiting around the corner.
Waiting for everything to feel neat, organised and "fixed" before allowing yourself to enjoy life means you'll constantly move the goalposts. You don't need perfect circumstances to live a meaningful, fulfilling life. You just need to stop waiting for permission. Life is already happening right now and you're allowed to enjoy it.
4. You compare today to a version of life that no longer exists.
One of the biggest shifts I've experienced is learning to stop comparing today with a version of my life that no longer exists. Whether that's who we were before illness, before children, before heartbreak or simply before life changed.
The past has a funny way of becoming edited. We remember the highlights and forget that those versions of ourselves had worries too. When we constantly compare our present to an idealised past, we overlook everything our current life has to offer.
And perhaps more importantly, we forget everything we've gained along the way such as our resilience, perspective, compassion and strength. You can't fully appreciate today if you're constantly measuring it against yesterday.
5. You think everyone else has it figured out.
Social media has made us brilliant at comparing our behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel. It's easy to believe everyone else feels more confident, more certain and more settled than we do.
But if life has taught me anything, it's that everyone is carrying something. The happiest-looking person may be grieving. The successful business owner may be doubting themselves. And the couple who seem perfect may be navigating challenges nobody else sees. We all experience uncertainty and we all question ourselves sometimes.
The more we remember that, the less pressure we put on ourselves to have life completely figured out. You're not behind. You're simply living a life that, like everyone else's, is beautifully imperfect.
6. You're always preparing for the next chapter.
It's so easy to become obsessed with what's next. The next holiday. The next promotion. The next relationship. The next house. The next version of yourself. But while we're busy preparing for tomorrow, today's chapter is passing us by.
I almost cancelled my own summer because I assumed I'd enjoy life more after my surgeries. Instead, I gladly realised this chapter deserved my attention too. Because one day, this ordinary season will become part of the story you look back on. And whilst the future might deserve your hope, today deserves your presence.
7. You're chasing certainty.
For years I thought peace would arrive when everything finally felt certain. When the surgeries were finished or when I knew exactly what the future looked like. But certainty is a moving target. There will always be another unknown waiting around the corner.
Peace and resilience don’t come from controlling every outcome. They come from trusting yourself to cope with whatever happens next. Trust yourself more than you trust certainty. One will always be available; the other never will.
8. You forget to notice what's already good.
One of my favourite bracelet quotes says, "Live Excited." Not because life should always be exciting, but because there's so much beauty to notice in everyday life if we slow down enough to see it. A good conversation. Your morning coffee. Sunshine through the window. A walk with a friend. Your favourite song playing unexpectedly. These moments seem small, yet together they make up the majority of our lives.
When I look back at the happiest periods of my life, it isn't always the milestones I remember. It's the ordinary moments in between. And maybe that's what living excitedly really means; not in chasing extraordinary experiences every day, but paying closer attention to the ordinary ones that are already here.
Final Thoughts
Earlier this year, I almost convinced myself to postpone my life until my surgeries were over.
Instead, whilst walking home from a yoga class the other week, sporting a swollen lip and extremely obvious black knot stitch in the centre of my lip, I made a new friend. We walked home together, laughed a lot, spoke for over an hour and later exchanged Instagrams. Afterwards, I thought how the younger me would never have left the house whilst recovering. This time, I didn’t even explain I’d just had surgery or the reason for it, I was just fully open to meeting someone new and being totally myself. And because of that, I experienced something I might have otherwise missed out on.
And it reminded me of something we so easily forget: life isn't something we earn once everything falls into place. It's something we choose to participate in while it's still beautifully unfinished.
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