What Being Filmed Taught Me About Showing Up

Over the last couple of years, I’ve been lucky enough to call myself a speaker. Because of what happened to me, I get to use my experience and the lessons I’ve learnt to speak to rooms full of people, particularly about building resilience and finding the strength to overcome challenges.

Back in 2023, this was something I dreamt about. I wanted to make a career out of speaking but didn’t know where to start or how to build the confidence I thought I needed. Things began to shift when I stopped focusing on myself and started focusing on giving the audience something real, something they could use in their own lives. And honestly, that’s the number one thing I’ve learnt about public speaking.

We often get the most nervous when we assume all eyes are on us, watching our every move. But that’s rarely the case. There’s actually a name for this: the spotlight effect — a psychological tendency to overestimate how much attention others are paying to us. In reality, whether it’s colleagues in a presentation or a packed room, most people are more focused on their own thoughts and reactions than on our perceived flaws.

And even though I know this, last week I found out that four of my workshops were being filmed. Just short snapshots, not the whole talk. But still, the news sent me spiraling and worrying about how I would look, rather than what this opportunity actually meant: greater visibility, more reach, better marketing, and the chance to share an important message with more people.

Let’s be honest, most of us don’t love how we look on camera. But for me, the anxiety ran deeper. I was consumed by the thought of how much more visible my facial paralysis would be on film. It sent me into a physical reaction of sweaty palms, a racing heart and a voice that struggled to stay steady. During that first workshop, I found myself disconnected from the message. I wasn’t focused on the impact and instead, only on how others might perceive me when the video was released.

The funny thing is, I know these thoughts are irrational. Anyone who sees me speak in real life knows this is how I look. My smile isn’t perfectly symmetrical when I talk or laugh. But most people online don’t see that. They see still photos — the ones I’ve chosen — where my face looks more relaxed or balanced. The idea of this video being out there, showing how I actually speak, felt exposing. And even though I’ve shared surgery photos and written openly about my recovery, this felt different. I’ve even turned down opportunities — TV appearances, podcasts — because I knew they’d involve video, and I didn’t think I could handle seeing myself like that.

The irony? One of the tools I teach when talking about resilience is reframing.

Reframing a problem means looking at it from a new angle and shifting your focus from what’s going wrong to what you can learn, change or do differently. But it can also mean changing the meaning you give to a situation. That shift in perspective can change how you feel entirely and the experience you’ll have. In this case, reframing meant recognising that being filmed wasn’t about being exposed. It was about being seen as someone with lived experience, insight, and something valuable to share because of what I’d been through.

And yes, watching the video afterwards was hard. I picked out flaws. I was extremely critical. But I also saw someone standing up and doing something brave. I saw how people reacted in the comments and messages I received. And I remembered what it felt like to be in that room, not worrying about how I looked but knowing I was making a difference.

It reminded me how much we miss out on when we let fear of being seen stop us from showing up.

So if you’re holding yourself back — from speaking, leading, creating — because of how you look, or how you think others might perceive you, please remember this:

Your voice matters.

Your story is worth sharing.

And showing up as you are might be the very thing that gives someone else permission to do the same.

I'm proud of the talk. I'm proud I said yes to being filmed. 

And most of all, I’m proud that I didn’t let fear decide for me.