I’ve just got back from London with a letter that I should be so relieved about: it says the diagnosis is a low-grade glioma, a pilocytic astrocytoma. They removed the whole tumour and after googling on the journey back it says that once removed the chances of it growing back are really small. I know it’s incredible news, but for days I’ve just cried.
I cried for the people that I’ve met through this experience that have needed brain surgery, knowing what it’s like myself, and cried for the people I know through this that can’t have surgery at all. I cried silently as soon as we reached Charing Cross Hospital today, knowing I was there two weeks ago on the ICU with a girl younger than me that has been in there for months and another lady whose Children were my age crying for her to pull through.
I know that one day I’ll find it in me to be grateful for the incredible surgeon, amazing staff at Charing Cross and for being one of the lucky ones but recently I’ve felt so selfish for being cured. I’m such a positive person that crying all the time doesn’t feel like me at all and because of this I wasn’t going to post. After my surgery things have been completely different and because of that I told myself I would write about it when I’m back in London and when I’m better. But I know there’s no use in a recovery blog if that’s the case and that showing my down moments is ok.
Before today I was so focused on my wonky face and the fact I temporarily wear glasses with a prism to straighten my right eye because I have double vision. I was so focused on the fact I can’t walk properly or eat properly or use my right side properly, but at the end of the day I can still use them, even if they are slower.
I’ve also been so frustrated that I have lost my independence as I’m learning to write again, suck through a straw and wash my own hair. But today was the reminder that I needed. I know that it’ll take time before I can do all these things again and I know it’s only been three weeks as I write this. I also know that for the people around me that aren’t as fortunate, being cured would be unbelievable news, and I will do my best to appreciate how amazing it really is, whilst focusing on getting better.
As my sister said; you didn’t come this far to only come this far ♥